What To Do If You’re No Longer Feeling Attracted To Your Partner

In the early days of your romantic relationship, you may have felt magnetically drawn to your partner. The conversations were stimulating, their little quirks made them even more endearing, and you just couldn’t keep your hands off each other. 

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But to assume you can easily sustain those feelings year after year is wishful thinking.

In long-term relationships, it’s not uncommon for attraction among partners to dissipate. We take for granted that just because we were attracted to our partner once, the same attraction will stay forever without effort.

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Below, therapists explain why a loss of attraction happens, what to do when it does and how to know if the spark in your relationship can be salvaged or not. 

You’ve become bored with each other. 

Stability and security are important ingredients in a healthy long-term relationship, but getting too comfortable with each other can make the partnership feel predictable and stale. 

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You have unresolved resentment.

Resentment makes you feel distant from or angry at your partner and translates to decreased attraction.

You stop interacting like romantic partners.

It’s all too easy for busy couples to slip into taskmaster mode and stay there, rarely stopping to nurture the romantic side of the relationship. For example, instead of sharing a kiss and catching up after the workday, they’re focused on household to-do lists.

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You don’t take care of yourselves in the way you used to.

When a couple has a lot on their plates (and who doesn’t?) making time for self-care can be a challenge. The effort once put into looking and feeling good has gone by the wayside, which can affect how you feel about yourself, as well as how your partner perceives you. 

What To Do If You’re No Longer Attracted

If you’ve noticed that your feelings of attraction for your partner have faded, don’t assume the relationship is doomed. We asked our experts to reveal their best advice for navigating the issue. 

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First, ask yourself a few questions to get clarity on when and why you began feeling less attracted to your partner. 

Start with the following questions to help determine the source of the problem and point you toward potential solutions: 

• Was it a gradual or sudden loss of attraction?
• What happened before you noticed the shift?
• How have you tried to address the problem so far and what was the result?

Consider that the shift may have little to do with your partner.

Before pointing fingers, think about any role you may have played in the loss of attraction. Perhaps there’s something you don’t like about yourself that you’re transferring onto your partner. Or maybe you’re not making the same effort you did earlier in the relationship, which, in turn, affects your partner’s behavior. 

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Prioritize couple time, even when you’re busy.

If you can’t recall the last time you had a date night where you got dressed up and went out to eat, danced at a concert, saw a movie or just did something fun together, it’s no surprise the spark has faded. 

Even setting aside some time to connect at home — by holding hands, cuddling or having deep conversations — can do wonders.

Try new things together.

Research shows that relationships often benefit when partners are partaking in a new hobby, visiting new places or introducing novelty in the bedroom. Seeing your partner in a new context might help rekindle the attraction.

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If you decide to tell your partner about the dip in attraction, do so with sensitivity.

First decide if disclosing this information can lead to meaningful change. If so, be sure to approach it gently and tactfully, not in an accusing or critical way.

Because these conversations can be emotionally charged, focus on communicating the changes you’ve observed in the relationship and make it clear that your goal is to reignite that spark.

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Generally, it is possible to revive the feelings of attraction in the relationship. But it requires a commitment from both partners, honesty and a willingness to work on any underlying issues before it’s too late.